the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
