even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
