New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
