the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
