So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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I need to wash the frat house off of me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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