Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
