Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
