Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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