don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
