Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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