So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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