we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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