you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
