worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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