i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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