i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
