did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
