it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
