I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
