She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
