I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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