I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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