Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
