I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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