Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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