tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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