so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
