You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
