I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
