There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
