Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level