How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time