I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
