ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila