So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think this conversation is over.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing