She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.