i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
