Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
