Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
