I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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