I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
