apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
