dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
