Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
