I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
