the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
