So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
