i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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