dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
