dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
