Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
