Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
