if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
