we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
