i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
