We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
