we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
