At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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