At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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