im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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