thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
