I've blown a few things in my day
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
