i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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