You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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