my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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