I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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