One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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