I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
