If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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