this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
