I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
