the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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