I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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