she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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